A sermon
for Unitarian Universalist Congregations by Martin Bryant
Use responsive reading from Mechthild of Magdeburg (1210-1297), female German poet, "Each String, When Touched by Love..."
Reading
from Khalil Gibran’s Prophet – “on Love”…
For our
children’s story today – we did not hear “The Velveteen Rabbit”. This is because – as much of a classic as it
is – it’s presentation of the hard reality of disease and the discarded toy
contrasted with the fantastic nature of it’s conclusion, at least in my opinion makes
it “too much” for the three to five year old audience that this kind of story is
usually intended for. But many here know this
classic story. In it – a favorite toy
– a velveteen Rabbit – is for many years the dearest thing to a small child and
is a companion through many trials. Eventually,
though the toy is forgotten and just as we are convinced this dear toy will be abandoned
altogether – it is “redeemed” and transformed into a “real”
rabbit that is free to run around the forest.
In the story – the velveteen rabbit is made “real” by a child’s love. It is interesting to note that in the language of the tale, the toy is not made “alive” by this force – or “free” – but “real”. To restate, we could say that the rabbit is given a unique concept of reality, conciousness by the force of the child’s love. In fact, an accumulated, residual love, as the child has effectively forgotten of the rabbit by the end of the story.
In the
recent film “A Beautiful Mind”, Princeton mathematician/ and Nobel prize winning
economist John Nash’s schizophrenia has him developing whole characters and aspects
of his life that are phantoms – they are very real to him – but inventions of
his disorder. Nash’s delusions are
so real for him that the only way he can tell what is “real” is by comparing his
reality to that of others around him. Early
in the film, this is often very uncomfortable, as Nash argues and plays with those in his
mind that are invisible to others.
At the peak
of Nash’s schism between his self-absorbed personal reality and that of those around
him, including his loving wife, she tries to help him sort things out. Alicia holds her hand tenderly to Nash’s head
and says “This is real” – and then holds his hand to hers saying “This
is real” She holds his hand to her chest
and says “This is real” and then places her hand on his heart --- “This is
real”. Alicia offers “Perhaps
the heart can know what the mind cannot” Struggling
against the seeming hopelessness of John’s disorder and his battle to hold the same
reality as those around him, she looks him in the eye and says “I need to know
that something extraordinary is possible”.
At least in
the film – a fantastic pseudo reality in and of itself – something extraordinary
is possible. Guided by Alicia’s love,
Nash discovers that resocializing with those around him can help him to not a cure, but
self-treatment for his condition. Nash closes
the gap between himself and others and rebuilds his productive life and his relationships.
This film
can be deeply spiritual: I recommend it to you. Nash’s
schizophrenia is not merely analogous – it is representative of each of our wonder as
to how much of the existentialist reality we experience is like those around us - is like
what is “true” or “real”.
Our lives
seem to be spiritual journeys we make alone. We
wind our way through trying to “figure things out” – the high-sounding UU
term is usually “the search for truth”. Like
some sort of dynamic three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle, we try to fit religious symbols like
reincarnation, prayer, “God”, community, faith, hope, and love into the
“holes” in our perceived reality. Much
of this process seems to be solitary – but we work some on it together here.
Sometimes,
well in fact, often, (something extraordinary is possible) we find a special relationship
– not necessarily a romantic relationship – but a soul-friend an Anam Care, who
gives us the opportunity to “compare notes”.
Often this means not just talking about our feelings, our lives, our philosophy,
but a chance to get glimpses of “what makes that person tick”.
I’m
reminded of the old Woody Allen joke – I was flunked in metaphysics for cheating
– I got caught peeking into the soul of the person sitting next me. But of course in this ongoing examination
– there is no cheating – collaboration is not only encouraged –
collaboration may be the answer itself.
My own
twenty-one year marriage has been such a relationship.
Mary K. and I have been so fortunate that although we do not share identical
spiritualities – they have grown together as a force in our lives and have proven
compatible enough to nurture each other. Through my marriage and family I’ve learned
countless spiritual lessons, many too subtle to write about. The love many of us feel for our partners and
children is not just appropriate for them – it is instructive on how to treat our
world – our very reality. This is
perhaps the most important spiritual lesson we will ever learn.
Love’s
instruction isn’t always gentle – sometimes when we experience perceived
betrayal, or disappointment or loss in the context of our beloved ones – we really
feel that sword among those feathers. It can
be very painful. We
can even feel a little slice of death.
But these lessons truly show us the value of love and our beloved and they teach us
to be careful in our own actions. And
there can be great beauty in both love’s ecstacy and agony. These can be real growing experiences –
the pruning is as important as the nurturing. The
heart can heal to be stronger.
I find it
interesting that most UU churches regularly offer classes on sexuality – but rarely
– and there are exceptions – offer the kind of couple enrichment classes that
other churches do. It seems the
psychological, spiritual, health, and practical advantages of successful partner
relationships are so obvious for gays and straights that UU churches would see this
important way to serve their congregants.
As
celebrated in countless songs and poems, and experienced by most of people in this room,
let us recall for a moment – the dizzying feeling of being deeply “in
love”. For many, their lives have
complete focus – on the object of their affections. We do not become dysfunctional
– but idleness is unnecessary as all of our “free time” is spent enjoying,
contemplating or serving in some way our beloved. Other
aspects of life seem to have new purpose. Reality
shifts a little – some types of inputs – the smell of flowers – the sound
of children laughing – certain kinds of music – that went unnoticed are brought
to the fore of our attention – other things – like worries and doubts are swept
aside. Joy is more possible. Tenderness is possible and all relationships and
interactions may be handled more softly. Optimism
is possible as we look forward to the next chance to explore our love.
Now what
I’ve described above – and many of you remember – hopefully more than a few
are experiencing – is exactly the condition that most religions would want you to
experience through their offices – new purpose – focus – appreciation of
simple reality – joy – gentleness – optimism. This may explain why many cultures develop what is
essentially a “religion of romance” – complete with hymns, readings,
services, and even clergy – to encourage people to enter this condition. Being there is enlightening – in more
ways than one.
For those
of you that have read Khalil Gibran, whose “the Prophet” I read from to start
this, and his Sufi counterpart, Rumi – this idea, that romantic love is more than
analogous, but rather representative and instructive of divine, encompassing love is a
major theme for both mystic poets.
Many
experience this “in love” feeling not only with romance but with its frequent
result – a new baby. And children remain a spiritual force in our lives – I
believe that parenting is usually the most spiritual thing that any of us ever does. Parenting is a connection to the timeless eternal
– and our children infuse us with such love, tenderness, purpose, and optimism.
Religions
talk about the relationship of the church to God or a prophet as like that of man and wife
– people talk about “marrying” their faith.
We speak of “God” as a father or mother brimming with parental love. Churches, including ours, even try to
‘get in’ on some of this spirituality as an enabler by marrying and dedicating
children. But the fact is, we may do some
spiritual things here – but we should face it – the most spiritual things that
most of us will ever do – involve our relationships with our lovers, parents, and
children and they won’t happen here.
– even so treasure those things as the “worship” and “religious
education” they are.
Some
religions would even like us to know “rapture”.
Most of us would probably associate this word “rapture” with a sexual
experience. Sexuality is a fascinating aspect
of our personal realities because it clearly illustrates that as powerful as it can be
– we really remain unsure how much of
the experience was shared by the other person – did they experience the same thing I
did? “Was it good for you?”
However sometimes – certainly not all the time – we feel we have really shared something other than fluids – and we become somewhat lost in that “rapture”. We’ve touched something pretty deep and mysterious. After this, our sexual relationship can be not so much about satisfying impulses, or procreating, or even giving and receiving pleasure - but about getting back to that experience, something pleasureable and deeply satisfying, but also timeless, even holy in a way. Something very far from dirty – something sacred in everyday life.
Love, in all of its forms, makes things better – not only does it take us from our self-absorption and give us a “reality check” on everything around us – not only does it bestow on us the blessings of focus, purpose, appreciation, joy, tenderness, and optimism – but it seems to just plain “improve things”. We love; things get better. We could even come to think of love as being the same as “better” – some say we could think of love as the same thing as God.
And yet
love itself, like God, remains a mystery – providing another blessing in assuring us
that there is mystery – that our reality is not complete – cannot be complete
without interaction with this mystery – the force of the other – the outsideness
that makes us whole. The fact is – most
find that if they continually journey inward, alone into their own psyche – they are
very likely to get lost. To use some
religious language – God is not so much in each of us as in all of us and we probably
cannot find a whole God in solitude any more than we can find a whole reality.
Can love
make us real? When we are loved,
whether it is by our mates, parents, or our children, or our religious community, or by
the driver that lets us into the traffic flow in front of Wal-mart we are receiving no
less than divine instruction on how to treat our reality.
And when we love, we
are in a state of grace.
Each string – when touched by
love – must sound -
This is the
stuff of transcendence – from the
velveteen to the real rabbit – from the atoms, cells, and fibers, blood and bones to the luminous spirits we are -
and if that
isn’t making us “real”
beyond real – I don’t know
what is…
– something
extraordinary is possible.